Catch a Wiff has enlisted the help of three friends who happen to be experts in the field of wiffleball and/or alcohol. They will be checking in from time to time throughout the season to provide insightful and unbiased opinions on the state of the league.
This week's feature is a draft analysis presented by former wiffleball standout, current renaissance man, and future Arby's Roast Beef Sandwich Eating Champion of the World, the Awkward Toad.
Team Staib or as we are thinking of them, Team Love Triangle as it contain Staib, Anne, and Frank. (We aren’t sure if Frank loves Anne or Staib but we are sure he loves one of them.)
But not as much as he loves Wiffleball and we feel that Mr. Gavin’s love for the game, combined with sure-fire rookie of the year Mimi (that girl has more athleticism in her left toe than the rest of you wanks have in your whole bodies, even Witham’s body, and that is a lot of body) will lead this team to the top of the division.
Anne is always solid for a few walks and a few putouts (get it?). Kelli will do her job and distract Moleman, who was apparently coming on strong last year as he finally got his swing straightened out, and we mean that literally, two years ago he looked like he was trying to hit a golf ball).
Carney is a former baseball player and his dad owns a bar. Better prerequisites for wiffleball do not exist.
Willy is a tough call. Sometimes he is all over the field making plays and sometimes he is all over Katie or climbing the backstop in inebriated celebration. We will be interested to see which direction his career takes as he is now a hardcore wiffle-veteran and will be looked to by the younger players to provide leadership.
Pat is fat.
Zach is always reliable for a great cheesesteak so I would want him on my squad even if he struck out every at bat. (Apparently a distinct possibility.)
As for Zaber, we know him not at all, but we think the story about him working almost every day for three months is hilarious and we bet he spent that entire time just trying to figure out what a hedge fund is. We defy him to explain it to us! (If he can, then we just might tap him to handle our short-terms assets which we are looking to trade on the futures exchange and currently maintain an extremely low credit risk as long as their liquidity is ensured and they remain highly standardized [i.e. those underlying assets we own with a certain Saudi family whose name rhymes with Sin Gaden.]) Step to it, Zaber.
If this team were a band we guess they would be Big Head Staib and the Monsters because we are not clever.
Coming in a close second is Brett’s Team, The Sleepy Weird Guys.
Both Moleman and Evans on the same squad? If the game starts before 7, Evans will never get there, and if it doesn’t end before 8, Mole will be out.
And finally we have Witham’s Squad, Team Eh?
MVP – Mimi
Rookie of the Year – Mimi
Cy Young – Jack
This expert opinion – Not as funny as the other two
Most times absent – Skelly
Most times hooking up with
Dual Award Biggest Head/Best at
Most times getting beat up in a parking lot – Anne/Toad
Most spaghetti – Mole
Most cigarettes smoked – Evans/Carney